moved

I have moved....
http://complexityredefined.blogspot.com/

Results are Out

It's time to celebrate....

Results for finals are out, and while they're not straight A's, I'm immensely proud of myself. This leaves just one more paper to ace before I graduate with First Class Honours.

muahaha.. excuse the perasan-ness there, but after going through hell the last few months, this feels almost like a gift, a reward!

This is the time where I need to focus on other aspects of my life now.. i.e. the financial aspects and prospective career. So far, I've been living with Auntie Prema who's been so nice as to handle all my living expenses etc. but I doubt that I can burden her indefinitely.

Debbie really believes in karma... so she knows these favours must be repaid in one manner or the other, be it directly or indirectly. And she wants to get to it as soon as possible because she thinks she's been blessed to have someone to look out and take care of her when she wasn't able to do so for herself.

Seems like this is the beginning of an uplift in my life's rollercoaster ride.
I Love It.

p.s. Although my uncle could be an angel and return my car which he borrowed, kononnyer for only a week but have been keeping for 3 weeks now.
That would be the ultimate icing on my cake.

Recovery

The Road To Recovery...

is sometimes not as easy as it should be. I rather blame it on my restless self. I CANNOT sit still. It's only been a week and I'm feeling awfully adventurous... wanting to go out, wanting to work out so that the Goddamn bulge i have post surgery will disappear to be healthier, and ultimately wanting my car back and to go home. However, Auntie Prema(who's been wonderful at jaga-ing me) has refused to let me do anything of the sort. Hence, I am under some form of lockdown that I am simply not used to.

Haiyo, I didn't think it would be so difficult to stay put and recover. It doesn't help that certain parts around the wound where they happily dug during the op is still tender. I am hoping that one more week is all I need to be fairly "normal" again.

SO what does one do to get over boredom? I'm beginning to think that my social life is quite pathetic larr. All I do is sit around at Auntie Prema's, dreaming about my freedom again, worrying about future responsibilities, and watching TV till I feel rather stupid.

But enough whining larr... my car WILL return eventually. And come Monday/Tuesday, my new love will arrive at Auntie's. Mr. Medium is the cutest lil boy I have ever seen. His bushy eyebrows make me swoon and I simply cannot resist his charms lar!

Mr. Medium , by the way, would be the offspring of Vishal's tuition teacher's dogs. A lovely, friendly little cocker spaniel, whom I seriously adore to bits, having him drool and nibble my fingers the entire time i was there. The chemistry was so strong la.. I did so wanted him all to myself, but... I cannot afford him, nor am I in the position to give him a good home.

*sighs* At least for the duration of my stay here... I can sayang it and all larr!
That is always better than stoning at home

May-day

Of Finals and Other Obstacles(Pictures to be uploaded when I'm home larr)

April proved to be a rather hectic month. Finals can be rather taxing, can't they?
Especially if you still have to play taxi driver to your rather "spoilt" sister and STILL managing to find time to play Mahjong with the boys
^ ^

Somehow or other the past month seemed to see me as a rather indifferent student. Feels as if I've resigned my hopes of graduating with First Class Honours to a higher power.
Somehow, even that thought isn't comforting.

Ever felt as if your life is pointless? Like there were too many hurdles that you're stumbling over clumsily rather than jumping over?
I'm feeling that way. As if all life is doing is playing a cruel joke on me. One problem leading to another. I can honestly say that I'm not the sort that handles difficult situations well. I start to panic, and wild psychotic thoughts would pace back and forth in the corners of my mind, driving me bonkers.

Family, education, financial, relationship, health, friendship problems. You name it, I probably have it right now. Sometimes all I want to do is crawl into a little corner and never come out. It's much easier to hide and pretend things are okay, than to come out of that little corner and be smacked right in the face with the force of all these problems at one go.

But I guess, now that I managed to escape the surgery in one piece, and I am recovering as I should, things should begin to look brighter right? One part of my problems have been solved, quite frankly, not by myself.

It's simply delightful to know that in the end, there are so many people who care for you still. And though I feel so lonely sometimes, there are people in my life who think about me and my well-being. People who carry the burden of caring for me after my surgery( even though they aren't family). My uncle who took so many days off just to see me through my surgery, and make sure I'm not alone. My poor poor grandma who sat with me at the hot, humid hospital for more than 8 hours in a plastic chair, with her swollen ankles.
My wonderful friends, Richard especially, who came and visited me and cheered me up. Not to mention my friends' lovely parents for taking care of me and worrying about my future on my behalf.
Auntie Prema, Uncle Bashkaran, Auntie Ena and Uncle Yahya.. I really do appreciate everything you have done for me. And I will remember and repay your kindness when I am able. Promise
*hugs*

It gets really tiring for me to do anything for a long period of time. And blogging are one of those activities that just drain me physically and emotionally now..
So.. Til the next blog. Take care people!

im back

I know, I know.

It has been forever since I've blogged. But I simply could not find the time.
Not that I have a multi-million project to work on, neither am i in a serious relationship which consumes all my time. I'm just.. well... busy.

The health hasn't been too good lately, so I've been going to and fro the hospital, all the while being lectured and "mom"-ed by other people's moms..(and I do so love and appreciate it all)
But at least I've finally got a date and am finally clear about the risks and treatments i WILL be going through. That's always good.

Classes are carrying on at a speed that is simply beyond me this semester, and it kills me to think that there is a huge possibility that I will not graduate:
a) at the same time as my classmates
b) with second class honours instead of first (yes, i AM THAT kiasu)

Money,money, money.. always the same old problem. Things have not been that great financially. It most probably is due to the fact that I do tend to spend a lot at times(retail therapy being my weakness >.<"). Also, not having parents to give me allowance may also be causing quite a large percentage of the shortage of cash... Supporting my sis temporarily while paying for a car and grocery and food stuff just leaves me struggling-lah! Lucky for me though, budgeting a little is helping me make it through the next few months. So no worries there...

It's been nearly two months since the horrid breakup. Sometimes I feel awfully angry, sometimes confused but mostly I feel very cheated. I think it's more that I just love harping on the past. It eats me up at times... When I think of all the sad ass excuses of why he couldn't give up certain shit for me, how he didn't like to go out, how this and that made him uncomfortable... Yet everything could be done... just for her, the SAME her that was in the messages I found. The SAME her he was cheating on me with... All those times he could've just been honest and ended things rather than keep me around like a fool while he obviously had someone else in mind. But that's that.

The single life does prove to have it's advantages though. No longer do I have to worry about where I go, or if I had to report to anyone, ask for permission when I wanna go clubbing with friends etc. The freedom rocks. Yet somehow, a part of me is longing for the familiar feeling of being cared for and being spoilt (yea, you read right..spoilt!)

All in all, it's been a hectic two months since I've updated my blog. Just thought to let people who read my blog once in awhile that I am still alive, and kicking...

xoxo,
Debbie

Happy Valentine's Day ....
to all you couples out there...
to all single people out there too!

The most famous question asked each year as V-Day approaches is.. what are your plans?
Well, seeing that I'm just recovering from a rather bad time, I think I would gladly sit this V-Day out! Not that I wanna be all grouchy and emo, don't get me wrong..
But I just wanna sit back and feel how it feels like to be alone on V-Day..
(It doesn't feel that bad.. ^ ^ )

Today shall be a day for me to sort out all uni work, as next week onwards is gonna be a warzone for me!
^ ^

So, ppl, do enjoy your day today, whatever your plans are...

<3
xoxo,
debbie

another breakuup

It takes.....

4 long, strenuous months for a girl to realise that something just wasn't right.
It took her that long to put the pieces together...
All the times SHE had to go look for him, all the times HE would go MIA with the same old excuses after like an hour of two of going MIA...
All those texts and messages she found in his phone, in his mail (yes, it was HER FAULT for nosing around)...
Insecurities practically filled their relationship for about half the duration of that relationship?
There were countless "FINAL" tries to make things work.. BUT.. it was apparent they were not going to...

It's not to say they never shared special moments... There were moments where he would have to care for this sickly girl, pick her up from certain spots completely drunk and semi-conscious... There were times when they'd actually be able to enjoy a few quiet moments together..

But these moments were sparse.. so sparse that it might as well have not occurred, which then, it would have saved her many tears and him a whole lot of frustration. She'd cry and whine and accuse him (not completely without proof) and he'd say that he didn't know how to respond to her incessant questions. She'd wonder why he could look her in the eyes and lie, looking so self-righteous.

She knows she's demanding. She knows she needs tonnes of attention. She knows even better now that all he wanted was a companion, albeit he is too stubborn and ignorant to see..(or maybe he sees it but refuses to admit it)

But now that it's all over, she feels like a freed prisoner. No longer will she long for something that was not hers to own. No longer will she spend hours tossing and turning in bed hoping, praying and wishing things didn't end up that way.. time after time after time..

She just doesn't understand why he didn't want to let her go earlier. Why each time she wanted to leave, he'd make her stay ?
And she doesn't understand why that ONE time he blew up because of her ranting, WHY did she want him back?
All this little break ups caused a little part of her heart to break each time...

So now, she wants to lick her wounds.
Now, she wants to start afresh.
Now, she says, " I WILL find a man who will appreciate me for being there, and one who'd actually WANT me around."