It's time to celebrate....

Results for finals are out, and while they're not straight A's, I'm immensely proud of myself. This leaves just one more paper to ace before I graduate with First Class Honours.

muahaha.. excuse the perasan-ness there, but after going through hell the last few months, this feels almost like a gift, a reward!

This is the time where I need to focus on other aspects of my life now.. i.e. the financial aspects and prospective career. So far, I've been living with Auntie Prema who's been so nice as to handle all my living expenses etc. but I doubt that I can burden her indefinitely.

Debbie really believes in karma... so she knows these favours must be repaid in one manner or the other, be it directly or indirectly. And she wants to get to it as soon as possible because she thinks she's been blessed to have someone to look out and take care of her when she wasn't able to do so for herself.

Seems like this is the beginning of an uplift in my life's rollercoaster ride.
I Love It.

p.s. Although my uncle could be an angel and return my car which he borrowed, kononnyer for only a week but have been keeping for 3 weeks now.
That would be the ultimate icing on my cake.

The Road To Recovery...

is sometimes not as easy as it should be. I rather blame it on my restless self. I CANNOT sit still. It's only been a week and I'm feeling awfully adventurous... wanting to go out, wanting to work out so that the Goddamn bulge i have post surgery will disappear to be healthier, and ultimately wanting my car back and to go home. However, Auntie Prema(who's been wonderful at jaga-ing me) has refused to let me do anything of the sort. Hence, I am under some form of lockdown that I am simply not used to.

Haiyo, I didn't think it would be so difficult to stay put and recover. It doesn't help that certain parts around the wound where they happily dug during the op is still tender. I am hoping that one more week is all I need to be fairly "normal" again.

SO what does one do to get over boredom? I'm beginning to think that my social life is quite pathetic larr. All I do is sit around at Auntie Prema's, dreaming about my freedom again, worrying about future responsibilities, and watching TV till I feel rather stupid.

But enough whining larr... my car WILL return eventually. And come Monday/Tuesday, my new love will arrive at Auntie's. Mr. Medium is the cutest lil boy I have ever seen. His bushy eyebrows make me swoon and I simply cannot resist his charms lar!

Mr. Medium , by the way, would be the offspring of Vishal's tuition teacher's dogs. A lovely, friendly little cocker spaniel, whom I seriously adore to bits, having him drool and nibble my fingers the entire time i was there. The chemistry was so strong la.. I did so wanted him all to myself, but... I cannot afford him, nor am I in the position to give him a good home.

*sighs* At least for the duration of my stay here... I can sayang it and all larr!
That is always better than stoning at home

Of Finals and Other Obstacles(Pictures to be uploaded when I'm home larr)
But I guess, now that I managed to escape the surgery in one piece, and I am recovering as I should, things should begin to look brighter right? One part of my problems have been solved, quite frankly, not by myself.

It's simply delightful to know that in the end, there are so many people who care for you still. And though I feel so lonely sometimes, there are people in my life who think about me and my well-being. People who carry the burden of caring for me after my surgery( even though they aren't family). My uncle who took so many days off just to see me through my surgery, and make sure I'm not alone. My poor poor grandma who sat with me at the hot, humid hospital for more than 8 hours in a plastic chair, with her swollen ankles.
My wonderful friends, Richard especially, who came and visited me and cheered me up. Not to mention my friends' lovely parents for taking care of me and worrying about my future on my behalf.
Auntie Prema, Uncle Bashkaran, Auntie Ena and Uncle Yahya.. I really do appreciate everything you have done for me. And I will remember and repay your kindness when I am able. Promise
*hugs*

It gets really tiring for me to do anything for a long period of time. And blogging are one of those activities that just drain me physically and emotionally now..
So.. Til the next blog. Take care people!

It takes.....

4 long, strenuous months for a girl to realise that something just wasn't right.
It took her that long to put the pieces together...
All the times SHE had to go look for him, all the times HE would go MIA with the same old excuses after like an hour of two of going MIA...
All those texts and messages she found in his phone, in his mail (yes, it was HER FAULT for nosing around)...
Insecurities practically filled their relationship for about half the duration of that relationship?
There were countless "FINAL" tries to make things work.. BUT.. it was apparent they were not going to...

It's not to say they never shared special moments... There were moments where he would have to care for this sickly girl, pick her up from certain spots completely drunk and semi-conscious... There were times when they'd actually be able to enjoy a few quiet moments together..

But these moments were sparse.. so sparse that it might as well have not occurred, which then, it would have saved her many tears and him a whole lot of frustration. She'd cry and whine and accuse him (not completely without proof) and he'd say that he didn't know how to respond to her incessant questions. She'd wonder why he could look her in the eyes and lie, looking so self-righteous.

She knows she's demanding. She knows she needs tonnes of attention. She knows even better now that all he wanted was a companion, albeit he is too stubborn and ignorant to see..(or maybe he sees it but refuses to admit it)

But now that it's all over, she feels like a freed prisoner. No longer will she long for something that was not hers to own. No longer will she spend hours tossing and turning in bed hoping, praying and wishing things didn't end up that way.. time after time after time..

She just doesn't understand why he didn't want to let her go earlier. Why each time she wanted to leave, he'd make her stay ?
And she doesn't understand why that ONE time he blew up because of her ranting, WHY did she want him back?
All this little break ups caused a little part of her heart to break each time...

So now, she wants to lick her wounds.
Now, she wants to start afresh.
Now, she says, " I WILL find a man who will appreciate me for being there, and one who'd actually WANT me around."

It's a brand new year coming up, again....

To soothe myself I'd tell myself things will look better in 11 hrs...

To douse my doubts I'd learn to let go of the past, and look forward to the possibility of a better future...

To console myself, I'd make this promise to myself, that this will be the FINAL time I try, to make this work...

Pls do not let me down, pls give me a reason to be happy i made this choice, instead of beating myself up abt it the next time u screw up.

Happy New Year

xoxo